I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
