I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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