No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
