oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
