Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
