please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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