Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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