i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
