the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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