The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
