Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
