No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
