If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
