whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
