just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
