She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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