i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
