I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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