Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
