when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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