at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Shame - the story of my life.
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