Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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