look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
