First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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