I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i out mim tonsoeep
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
