I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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