a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
