Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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