I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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