I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
