I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
