i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
