How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
