he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's blow job season.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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