We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
