drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
