She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
