We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
