in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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