You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
