I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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