i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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