$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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