If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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