i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
