Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
