he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
