Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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