Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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