It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
