I got chris browned last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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