She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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