Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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