I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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