He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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