dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i already hear my dad disowning me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
