Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
