Only a mothe r could love this liver
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
