She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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