if i can run in heels then i can drive
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
