Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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