It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
