I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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