the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
