you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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