something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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