please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
