so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
