4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
