Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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