Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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