dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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