You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
