tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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