i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
