are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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