dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
