Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
