My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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