her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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