just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
