He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i now understand why vodka
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
