I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
